Ron Perlman vs the GOP is the Best Thing on Twitter This Week

Some people think actors just need to shut up and act. I, for one, could go for a bit more of Hellboy himself, Ron Perlman, sounding off and taking on some of the worst the GOP has to offer. Since Friday, the 70-year-old actor, best known for his role as the comic book demon or his lead part in the hit television series Sons of Anarchy, has been dueling with Republican politicians — who apparently have nothing more important going on — on and off via Twitter.

It was Perlman’s role on Sons of Anarchy, playing the white supremacist leader of a biker gang, that sparked the initial feud with Republican Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz. Gaetz is a slimy politician whose entries for scandals on his Wikipedia page is only a couple items short of equaling the length of the list of his reprehensible political positions. If you don’t remember Gaetz, he’s the drunk-driving, holocaust-denier-befriending, gun-loving, anti-gay, anti-immigra … wait, I already said Republican, didn’t I? Anyway, Gaetz was the guy who led the security breach of the Sensitive Information Facility Room on Capitol Hill during the impeachment hearings.

On top of all his other problems, Gaetz apparently doesn’t understand how acting works or that television and movies aren’t real life. The dimwit demonstrated this disconnect in a Tweet tagging Perlman, which the actor was quick to jump on with a dynamite reply.

Yessir, so true! So rewarding playing assholes on tv. Tell me sir, how is it actually being one? https://t.co/8Yk4lXvyAI

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 14, 2020

The “sir” is a phenomenal touch. Respect the office, not the man. A smart politician would have gotten out right here, but again, Republican.

And while we’re at it fuckboi, what is this shit about playing your crowd with dog whistles like “Hollywood“, making them think culture is the thing that’s keeping them down? When it’s really you and your greed.

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 14, 2020

Perlman would go on crushing it over the course of the afternoon, with Gaetz just stepping on the rake again and again.

Ya know what, you’re right. A guy who wins a totally gerrymandered district with daddy’s money deserves our deepest admiration. You’re right..I only PLAY scumbags and grifters. You’re the real deal! @mattgaetz

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 14, 2020

Try again? Dude, you brought a Holocaust denier to the State Of The Union. Doesn’t get sicker than that. Buzz off punk, it’s past your bedtime. https://t.co/mFRiR9I2jw

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020

And then at 1:42 a.m. EST, professional political punching bag, Senator Ted Cruz, decided to interject and take the comedy to a whole new level by challenging Perlman to a wrestling match … with Congressman Jim “Gym” Jordan.

Wait, is this THEE Ted Cruz? Holy shit man! Is this the same guy let little Donnie call his wife A dog and his father an assassin and now kisses his ass? Yo, can I get your autograph man? https://t.co/6QDwCaEkpv

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020

There’s just so much to unpack here. For one, I would love to see the list of what Ted Cruz considers to be “non-political” charities. Plus the fact that … just … WHO challenges someone to a fight with someone else?! Or, as the brilliant Rex Chapman put it:

I’m challenging Ted Cruz, right now – to a 3-point contest — with Reggie Miller.

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) June 16, 2020

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Perlman, for his part, considered the offer and countered with a reasonable proposal. Although Black Lives Matter is probably so obviously on Ted’s list of “No” organizations that he wouldn’t even bother to write it.

I tell you what teddy boy, since mentioning jim jordan and wrestling is… problematic, why don’t we say fuck him and just make it you & me. I’ll give 50k to Black Lives Matter and you can keep all the tax payer money you were thinking of spending. https://t.co/6QDwCaEkpv

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020

Cruz responded exactly the way a weak toadie does in this situation, by flinging desperate unfunny insults and calling the other guy scared. He’s just not good at this when he doesn’t have his pals to back him up. I think I’d be in for few grand to charity to see Perlman pile-drive this pinhead.

Let’s get back to bidness ted. jim jordan’s too easy, just a little bitch. But you teddy, you talk shit about New York every chance you get. My hometown. It’s personal. Let’s go mofo!

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020

Cruz may or may not have finally decided he can’t win this one and had better shut his mouth. The last shot fired as of yesterday evening was from Perlman, with a new counter pulling Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in for an odd-man match.

You know, as ridiculous Twitter feuds go this one is pretty great, but it’s also a much better example of a good faith negotiation than what we’re seeing from MLB owners right now.

Ya know ted, I’ve been giving this some thought- leave @Jim_Jordan home and give me 10 minutes with you and Mitch McConnell. Let’s see what else you muthafuckas can obstruct besides justice. All we need’s a time, place, and a few EMTs standing by. LMK. @tedcruz @senatemajldr

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 15, 2020

We actually found footage of Senator McConnell’s fighting style.

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