Former MLBer Adam Jones Ruins A Cinco De Mayo Taco Tuesday By Putting Ketchup On His Tacos

Adam Jones will not stand for your ketchup taco slander either:

Now, far be it for me to judge one’s food preferences since we all have our quirks. And I personally can’t stand people’s policing of ketchup either. Ketchup doesn’t add a ton of value to things and I’d never put it on, say, a fine steak. But it does its job in making mediocre foods slightly more palatable, gives just a little bit of wetness component without making it sloppy (am I right fellas????) and doesn’t really take much off the table. Ketchup is a utility guy who may not win the game for you but he won’t blow it for you either.

And that’s a little like Adam Jones, who’s now found his way to Japan’s Orix Buffaloes of Nippon Professional Baseball after a middling run for the Diamondbacks last year. Did he ever rise to the levels of stardom that Mariners or Orioles fans hoped he could achieve after being a first-round pick out of high school? Probably not. But he did his job. He lubed up the baseball game and made it run smoothly just like a fine bottle of Heinz or, more healthily, Annie’s Organic. You don’t see ketchup getting its own TV show like hot sauce does for Hot Ones and you don’t see Adam Jones in the same breath as Mike Trout. It’s kind of the perfect marriage.

Here’s the ketchup rule: If the food is anything besides a burger and actually of decent quality, it doesn’t get ketchup. If it’s these Lunchables ass tacos that Adam Jones is enjoying with a Corona, then ketchup away until your heart’s content. It’s a little odd that Jones would default this way after growing up in San Diego but maybe his form of rebellion is preferring tacos with the culinary panache of a crayon drawing by a first grader. Different strokes for different folks are what makes the world go round, even on a Cinco de Mayo Taco Tuesday.