Bitcoin Is Not For The Faint Of Heart (I Am Finding Out)

With a little more time on my hands during the pandemic, and only so much League of Legends DFS to play, I decided this was the time I was going to buy some stock. My dad set me up an account when I turned 18, but I hadn’t used it until a couple weeks ago. The first stock I bought was Bitcoin because it’s the surest of the sure things, according to DFS Twitter. Everyone got rich off of it in 2017, I hear.

I invested a very small amount, but I apparently got in at a good time, as I bought BTC at about $7,500 and it went up over $9,000 within a few days. It’s not quite like a DFS sweat, but I donked my way into some money right away, so like DFS, I was hooked immediately.

Related

• Gronk to Defend WWE Belt Against All Comers, Despite NFL Return
• Raquon Smith on a boat with Porn Chicks
• Motorcycle Monkey Steals Baby

I’m checking my Robinhood account more often than my DFS lineups. I’m just printing money. Why isn’t everyone doing this? I mean, look at this graph. I’m a genius. Almost every day it’s going up a little bit more and a little bit more. There were a couple down days, but it seems like it bounces back every time in the next 24 hours. To the moon we go 🚀🚀🚀

I woke up this morning, eager to check my portfolio, but instead I went to twitter and tried to get a feel for what happened with BTC overnight before I checked for real. You ever check the box scores in the morning before you check your DraftKings account to try to guess how much you donated last night? Same kinda thing. One of the first tweets I saw was from the push-up GOAT and BTC enthusiast himself, Jonathan Bales:

Oh man. How much did it go up? 10%? 20%? Where am I going to keep my Yacht?

Well, we ran good for a while. It can just…. plummet like that in a matter of minutes? It can’t possibly get any worse than this, right? RIGHT? Wait, you mean this isn’t even that bad of a dip? Do I get out now, take some profit, buy a haircut, and retire from stocks for good? Am I nit for even asking? I thought this was a sure thing? This is the worst. How do you guys do this to yourselves?

I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s been fun to research some BTC and gamble on a few companies I like. What other forms of gambling am I missing out on?