Harvey Updyke, College Football Supervillain and Auburn Tree Poisoner, Dead at 71

You may remember Harvey Updyke as the person who took revenge into his own hands for the 2010 Iron Bowl. After Alabama suffered an iconic loss to Cam Newton and Auburn, Updyke poisoned the trees in Toomer’s Corner. Like any good criminal/Alabama fan, he then called into Paul Finebaum’s show and said “The weekend after the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn because I lived 30 miles away, and I poisoned the two Toomer’s trees. I put Spike 80DF in ‘em. They’re not dead yet, but they definitely will die.”

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According to the Montgomery Advertiser, Updyke ended up being charged and was sentenced to a short amount of time in jail and $800,000 of restitution, which he of course didn’t pay. More recently he missed a court appearance in 2019 and let all the fine people of Facebook know that he would probably be going to jail. Due to his poor health, he didn’t think he would make it out alive and ended his post with “ROLL DAMN TIDE!!”

While I hope I never stoop to poisoning trees, I certainly understand the man’s passion. Again, not saying I condone this, but I do understand. If I had to watch Cam Newton come from behind and win against my team, I might feel compelled to do more than drink a few more depression beers than normal. But I doubt it…I’m lazy. But hypothetically, if I did lose my mind and poison some trees, I probably wouldn’t call into Paul Finebaum and confess the crime. So Harvey Updyke, you weren’t lazy, but you were stupid. Put that on his tombstone.

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