Houston Has Solved COVID, Opens Up Texas’s First Drive-Thru Strip Club To Keep Things Moving

Houston Chronicle – If you’re a fan of exotic dancers and eating in your car then Vivid Gentleman’s Club is probably your kind of pandemic paradise. The struggling Houston-based strip club now has a drive-thru.

Black metal barricades separate the dancers from the cars, and dollar bills litter the asphalt between the white siding of the tent walls. The purplish-blue lighting casts a familiar (to club-goers) ambience over the scene, but obvious reminders of the pandemic remain; some of the performers are in face masks.

This might seem like a gimmick but it’s serious business. Ever since Gov. Abbot issued an executive order directing all bars and restaurants to shut down way back in March, hundreds of thousands of bartenders, servers and entertainers have been out of work, including the staff at Vivid Gentlemen’s Club.

While restaurants are now allowed to operate at 50 percent capacity and bars are still currently shut down with the option of to-go sales, strip clubs fall in a gray area between bars and restaurants, depending on the business. In an effort dedicated to supporting their staff, Vivid Gentlemen’s Club decided to take their shot at the drive-thru experience by becoming Texas’ first drive-thru strip club.

Here’s a vaguely NSFW photo of the drive-thru experence from the Houston Chronicle’s Twitter:

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Would you like a side of glitter with that burger? https://t.co/k7eqhC8ylJ

— Houston Chronicle (@HoustonChron) July 21, 2020

And a video of the experience:

Vivid Gentlemans Club in Houston launched Food2GoGo last night, featuring a drive-thru strip club pic.twitter.com/WTkQD6HlrY

— BallerAlert (@balleralert) July 2, 2020

And here’s a look at James Harden trekking through the wild from months of quarantine to make a quick pop-in before he reports to Orlando:

James Harden jokes aside — and genuinely it could not be worse timing for Vivid Gentlemen’s Club in Houston for the NBA bubble to start — this is a pretty savvy business plan. I’m sure we’ve all enjoyed a visit to an adult establishment or two over the years and, while it’s a good time, I personally can’t imagine being this hard up (pun slightly intended) that I’d need to visit a strip club like I would a McDonald’s. But I respect the right of others to do so safely and in accordance with best COVID practices.

It’s nothing even remotely approximating a full strip club experience though to the point that I’d almost be more inclined to call it something else. You’re not spending countless hours in a darkened room being solicited for table or lap dances. You’re not getting raked over the coals for overpriced drinks. You’re not subjected to the full catalog of hits from Usher as the dancers subject themselves to unsanitary pole climbing conditions. This drive-thru experience seems more like a naked woman car wash than it does a strip club. Hell if the ladies did some detailing, they might be able to double their revenues.

But hey it’s Texas and they need something to pass the time with their COVID spread still sky high. There’s opportunity there in a tough economy.

That said, I took a quick trip to the Vivid Gentlemen’s Club’s website and weirdly they have nothing about this big change to their business on the site or their social media handle:

Half the business of a drive-thru strip club is making sure the public is properly informed. That’s day one drive-thru strip club stuff. Drive-Thru Strip Club 101, really. I admire your entrepreneurial nature, Vivid Gentlemen’s Club of Houston, but let’s button up the promotional aspects of giving half-naked women carbon monoxide poisoning for money.