Top Degenerate Sports Bets to Make During the COVID-19 Hiatus | May 1

With COVID-19 ravaging all facets of society across the globe, including the sports industry, we have entered a period unlike anything we have ever experienced. Of course, the implications of COVID-19 are much more important outside of the sporting world, but this feature is designed to take you away from the daily routine that has become dictated by COVID-19, and instead give some sense of what we still have.

This honestly feels like an ESPN 30 for 30; “What if I told you that League of Legends was the most mainstream sport you could bet on?” Like, that’s a real thing. Esports at this very moment is the most mainstream bet you can make and that in itself is so wild. A shoe-in for a “Top-Five Degenerate Bets” article just a month ago, Esports won’t even sniff this list. We must dig deeper to find the truly degenerate bets that we can make RIGHT NOW, so let’s take a look:

FK Slutsk @ Dinamo Minsk (Belarus Premier League Football) – 05/02/20, 10:00 a.m. EST

Most of soccer is canceled around the world, but not in Belarus! Through all of the global turmoil, the one constant has been Belarusian soccer. Belarus is going about its business without a care in the world, which is concerning for humanity, but delightful for degenerate bettors and you can bet on Belarus Premier League at FanDuel Sportsbook.

Let me tell you something: you have NOT LIVED until you have bet on a professional Belarusian sports league. I once bet on women’s Belarusian basketball — the team I bet was -75 (that’s not a typo, minus 75) — and I’m pretty sure the game was fixed. It had to be. The -75 squad was up like 33 midway through the third quarter and I thought I was cooked. I have never seen a team put up so many unanswered points so fast — the final six minutes of the game was basically like the other team wasn’t even on the court. Since I couldn’t find the stream, I was tracking this on Bovada and it was a remarkable spectacle. These legends won by 77. There’s no way this game wasn’t fixed. Remember, good teams win, but great teams cover.

With that being said, the Belarusian Vysshaya Liga is now the world’s premier soccer league and all eyes will be on the seven-game slate starting Saturday, May 2, so tune in to the Vysshaya Liga Red Zone channel and take a chance on FK Slutsk +1 against Dinamo Minsk at +125. All of the squares will be flocking towards the traditionally strong Dinamo Minsk who are 9-2 with four draws against FK Slutsk in their last 15 matches, but we know better because us degenerates are NOT SQUARES. This is a trap, ladies and gentlemen. Take a gander at the standings and, not to be derogatory, but these Slutsks are HOT! For those following the 2018 and 2019 campaigns of Vysshaya Liga soccer, Dinamo Minsk has been a traditional powerhouse, but FK Slutsk has 4-1-1 record in six matches while Dinamo Minsk hasn’t played up to par. As one of the most experienced bettors of Belarusian professional sports in the United States, I recommend a one-unit play on the FK Slutsk +1 at +125.

Pick: FK Slutsk +1 @ +125

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A. Vardanyan vs. E. Nazaretyan (Badminton) – 05/03/20, 1:20 p.m. EST

Sundays are for football in the United States, but in Armenia they are for badminton. The Men’s Infinity Badminton Cup hangs in the balance and I CANNOT wait to see that birdie served. There are so many matches it’s almost overwhelming, but one that stands out to me is undoubtedly Arman Vardanyan at +252 against Edgar Nazaretyan. As somebody who has bet on badminton before, I can assure you that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I googled “badminton stats Armenia” and it immediately directed me to gambling hotline. With that said, Vardanyan is the play here as I suspect that the badminton sharps play underdogs and fading “Arman” in “Armenia” just seems unwise.

Pick: Vardanyan +252

Wessel Nijman v. Phil Taylor – 05/01/20, 11:30 a.m. EST

Darts knows what’s up. A Night at the Darts has been taking place since April 13 via home live streams. Yes, that’s right. Professional darts has been happening FOR WEEKS and nobody has been talking about it. Wessel Nijman is a 19-year-old from the mean streets of Haarlem — Haarlem, Netherlands, that is. He takes on 16-time world champion Phil Taylor who is coming out of retirement for some stay-at-home darts action. If our NBA 2K simulation bracket was any indication, take the young gun here who seems to be considered the Luka Doncic of the professional darts scene.

At 59 years old, Phil “The Power” Taylor has not only been playing professional darts before this kid was born, but may have been doing so before this kid’s parents were born too. Taylor retired after the 2018 World Championship, and we all know that “Father Time” is undefeated. Take the kid.

Pick: Nijman -116

Georgiy Vladimirovich Vahnin v. Vladmir Petrov (Table Tennis – Moscow) – 05/01/20, 2:30 p.m. EST

Table tennis is a perfect sport for a global pandemic because players have to stand six feet apart and it’s hard to imagine that you need to keep fans away because I doubt anybody wants to watch this live. As long as you switch out the ball every point and don’t share paddles, there is very little risk for transmission of COVID-19. DraftKings Sportsbook is offering lines for Table Tennis  in Moscow so thanks DraftKings!

Now, I have some experience betting table tennis. My friend and I once followed this twitter handle called @TableTennisBet. We figured that if somebody made a Twitter handle dedicated to betting on table tennis then this guy must really know what he’s talking about. His tweets weren’t in English, but we followed for a couple days. This guy’s handle should’ve been @DontTableTennisBet. His picks were the worst. I think we lost 12 straight matches. Each day, we would wake up and be like, “Well, this is the day he’s gonna turn it around.” Absolutely not. We followed for three days, didn’t win a single match and then he just stopped tweeting. We thought he had offed himself. He eventually returned and — fortunately for the naive public that may come across this handle — he hasn’t made an official pick since June of last year it seems.

Now that we have my table tennis betting history out of the way, I recommend a one-unit play on Vladmir Petrov to beat Georgiy Vladimirovich Vahnin at -125. I don’t know what the oddsmakers are thinking here! Petrov is red hot, winning eight straight matches while GVV has been in poor form. GVV owns the 10-8 H2H record, but ride the hot wrist here! GVV and Petrov both play two matches before this one, but Petrov is well known for his stamina and I don’t expect his arm to be tired.

Pick: Vladmir Petrov -125

Good luck!