We’re All Going to Get Eaten by Dinosaurs: Scientists Say Real Jurassic Park Just Five Years Away!

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4 years ago

Life really does find a way. In a story that I’ve been waiting for since the mid-1990s, Entrepreneur magazine is reporting that scientists now claim that they will be able to clone living dinosaurs within the next five years. If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything, it’s that this is a fantastic idea and we should do it as quickly as possible. What could go wrong?

Scientists Say They Can Recreate Living Dinosaurs Within the Next 5 Years http://t.co/NCHlCVx8ad by @Geoff_Weiss pic.twitter.com/4vk36Xa13Y

— Entrepreneur (@Entrepreneur) June 16, 2015

The team behind the newly republished study — apparently this originally ran in 2015 when it was 10 years away — has some interesting ideas about where to get the DNA they need to make the project possible.

Instead of attempting to harvest ancient fossilized DNA, the scientists are going directly to our living dinosaurs, birds. It’s long been essentially accepted science in the paleontology community that species of birds are evolved dinosaurs.

The team from Harvard and Yale has been working with chickens, with the lead scientist telling People magazine “Of course, birds are dinosaurs. So we just need to fix them so they look a little more like a dinosaur.” Which is the most mad-scientist-sounding thing I’ve ever quoted.

The scientist and four-time Jurassic Park film consultant Jack Horner …

Not that one.

Doctor Jack Horner, says his team has already made significant strides with this approach, after realizing that dinosaur DNA degradation over time would make the fictional approach from the movies just that. The approach of mutated birds are close enough to dinosaurs is reminiscent of the angle that geneticists previously took to cloning the woolly mammoth.

Horner claims that his team has already been able to engineer a bird beak into a dinosaur snout. No word on how they’re doing with gigantic razor sharp chicken teeth so far.

The scientist would go on to say “The tail is the biggest project,” and that “The wings and hands are not as difficult. A ‘Chickenosaurus’ is well on its way to becoming reality.” And we all know it’s only a few short steps from Chickenosaurus to Tyrannosaurus to the running and the screaming and the biting. And we’d done so much to pull ourselves above the food-chain as a species.

You can see Horner talking all about his crazy plans right here.

Five Reasons Why a Real Jurassic Park is Definitely a Great Idea

1) Fun dinosaur rides!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f6oDYYcsWU

2) Jeff Goldblum saying and doing Ian Malcom things in real life

3) Running in terror from gigantic rampaging carnivorous dinosaurs really helps with social distancing

4) Explaining to children, “well, monsters weren’t real, but now they totally are!”

5) Proving The Simpsons right once again. Bring on the real dinosaurs, what could go wrong …

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